Lisztomania

It's almost the end of the year, so I'm going to take a review of this year, rant a little about random stuff, then tell you about my new year's resolutions, which I intend to keep. Which everyone always says... :)

I have to say that this year has been a very awesome learning experience for me.
I've learned a lot about myself and others. I've learned how to respect myself, how to respect others. I've learned to love and to be loved. I've learned that some people are not worth keeping around anymore. I learned how to communicate, and how to shut up. You have to be school smart, and occasionally you gotta pull your street smarts out. But I learned that sometimes, you gotta dumb things down, not for yourself, but for others.... :)

I've lost friendships, rekindled old ones, been told the most intimate of secrets, and I've told my own. I've been stepped on, I've been lifted up. I've felt worthless, then I've known that I'm His world, and he is mine, and none of that hopelessness is worth it anymore.

I think that I have really started to find out who I am this year. Yes, it had a lot to do with me, but I got help.
Thank you to...
Mom
Dad
Sunshine
Raindrop
Crane
Billy (You know who you are)
Angel
Mac (You know who you are)
Everyone else, seriously.

Mom-
You've taught me so much. You've taught me how to understand. How to listen. How to let go, and how to hold on. Thank you.

Dad-
You have taught me what fatherhood is. You've taught me that love is truly unconditional, that you'll always be there for me, in my toughest times, and even in those times that you don't quite understand, but you try and that's what matters. Thank you.

Sunshine-
You have been the best partner I could ever ask for. I love you so much. I'm so grateful for you, you've really taught me how to be myself, and not be afraid of that. I know I still have a lot to learn, but you're helping me discover who I've been repressing for the past 10 years. We've been through everything, and you're still my rock, my anchor that keeps me here and sane. We may be the last people on this whole planet, but we'll be there saying, "We made it." That's difficult for a lot of couples to say, but I guess we're the lucky ones. I now know what love is. Thank you babe. Forever and ever, I love you.

Raindrop-
You are my best friend, and I love you. You're amazing, you've taught me so much this year. You've been through so much, but you still manage to pull through, march through the ashes with your head held high. You've taught me strength, and hope. You've also taught me what its like to really miss someone. I think about you every day, and I swear to you, I'll always be here for you. Even though we are far away, I'll always be in your heart. Thank you for dealing with all my pithy complaints about a life that is so much better than a majority of peoples', thank you for putting a smile on my face every time I talk to you, thank you for reminding me I will always have real emotions. I love you, Raindrop!

Crane-
The most important thing you've taught me is change. People that seem like they'll never change, do. You've taught me not to butt into other people's lives, even when I know it'll hurt. Anything I say won't be heard, and as harsh as that is, it's an important thing to know. You are still young, you have much to learn, much to experience and I'm excited for you. I love you, you're my sister. My only full sister, and no matter how stupid I get, no matter how angry I may make you, I will never forget what we are to each other. Thank you for teaching me patience, and how to be sensitive to other's thoughts, wants, and needs. I love you sistah.

Billy-
I know we never really talk, but I know that you still read this. Thank you for supporting me, and my silly writing dreams. You were that one person when my life was going downhill that actually acknowledged what you could have done, and fixed it. I think you have a big heart, I know that things have probably been rough, but I promise I'll talk to you, read more of your stuff. You're a great writer, and an inspiration to my own writing. Keep it up, thank you for just being an awesome person.

Angel-
Oh gosh, where to begin. You're amazing. You took me in, you didn't have to. You are the most beautiful woman I know. You have a beautiful soul, a soul that has been weathered, hurt, betrayed. But you're gorgeous, you've been through so much and yet you stand so tall. You've really taught me about hope, love, understanding, and letting people in, even when it's the hardest thing you've ever done. You are who I really look up to, and it's nice to say I finally have someone like that. Someone I want to be just like. Thank you for being a great mom, and an amazing role model.

Mac-
I know we don't talk much, but I know that if I ever need someone to talk to, just to vent to, I know you're there. You've taught me about persistence, and that we are all human. We all make mistakes, I know. We all have emotions, I know. I'm sorry I don't talk to you much, but this year, I'll do different. Thank you for always being a good friend, through everything.

Everyone else-
Thank you for running into me, for pushing me around, for complimenting me, for lifting me up and pushing me down, for calling me names, for giving me hugs, for listening, for tuning out. You've taught me so much, thank you.

Ok, so this year I want to really focus on the friendships I want to keep. I want to continue having high morals. I want to get a job. I want to exercise, eat, and be healthy. I want to be a good girlfriend, the best ever :) I want to keep communications constant with my family. I want to be more supportive of the things that my loved ones love. I want to learn to love myself more. I want to move out. I want to be cleaner and more organized (that one's gonna be hard). I want to be safe, and follow rules. I want to learn more of who I am.

With all of that said, goodbye 2011, hello 2012.


----See you next year,
------------------------LadyWar <3

TurnItDown

Oh gosh, so much has happened. Yes, I realize it's past midnight and yes, I realize it's been FOREVER. Shut up, okay?

So the first semester of my senior year is just about over. Crazy stuff right there. Next week I have finals, and that's it. I have a weekend and on Sunday I'm going to see my family.

So here's what happened over the past few months in a nutshell:

Started school
Regan moved back in with mom and dad
Mom's having issues
Family's having money issues
Friendships have been ruined
Emotions have been haywire
Trust has been lost
Heart has been damaged slightly
Senioritis is still not kicking in
Everything's better
Wait no it's not
Oh, yes it is...
Nope.
Mom lost her job
Mom got a job
I visited them
I came home
I went to school.


Sooooo that's a big nutshell. Like a hazelnut or something. Right?

You know, there's so many things I can look back on and say "Wow, I'm glad that happened." But there are a few things that I look back on and say, "What the FUCK was I thinking?!" I'll never know, to be honest.

Life is going by way too fast. Things need to slow down, put on the breaks. I feel like one of those Christmas wreaths on the front of a car on the highway. "No! I'm not supposed to be going 70 miles per hour! I'm supposed to be stationary on a door, only moving when that door is opened and closed!" But, I have no control over the driver, or the breaks. Or do I?

Goodnight, Quiet City. :)