RemeberWhen..?

Just a few quotes and words that just randomly came to mind. These are said, or remind me of or by people I know.

"I love...not you!"

Colors

Fancy hair

Beautiful

Trust

Precious

Home

Love

Nonstop

"Druggies are people too."

"Filthy slut. You don't love him."

"I'll show you what abandonment is like."

Smile

Vampire

Summer


Oh gosh I'm so bored, can you tell? I went to that concert I've been reminding you about last night. It was really fun. We got there and met a few other guys, they were cool...
We stood in almost the same spot as I did last time I went there. I felt moderately bad for keeping them away from the group of people jumpin and goin crazy. But Sunshine promised he'd keep me safe, and he did. After Story of the Year played, we went out and saw them in their tour bus, it was really cool, I found myself with my jaw dropped to the floor, which I tried to pick up, but dropped again.
After that, we went back to the concert while Sunshine's mom and her friend went off to hang out with the band. We got to see some Flyleaf, which made me happy. She gave a speech and it just about made me cry. I would have if Sunshine wasn't there.
When it was time to go, we got a ride from his brother. He is so funny, I couldn't stop laughing.

You know, for once since I've lived here I feel like I have a life. Like an actual life. I have friends and places to go, and things to do. It makes me feel happy. I also feel like this place could actually be my home. Could. But it isn't yet. I don't know what needs to happen in order for me to feel that way, but it isn't quite there yet.

I'm going through one of my Homesick phases again. Maybe because I'm cutting ties with people I care about up there, or people that have moved away from there to other places. I miss them all, and I miss the mountains and the snow. Even though I can barely stand the "freezing" weather here. It was only, like, 50 degrees this morning and I just about died in my shorts and sweater.

Alright, now I feel like I'm rambling, I'll post again maybe tomorrow, maybe not. If I don't.... I'm sorry? ;) Alright, bye!

KidsInLove

I've had a relatively good week so far. My baby fishies died... Drake and Strawberry. I already miss them so much. I've had them for about two and a half years. Typical life span for goldfish, i guess.

Last night was quite amazing. Again, I'll have to tell you more about it when it doesn't mean so much to me anymore. People who are sensitive still read this, I guess. Which disappoints me. You shouldn't get upset with me because of something I say on here. It's my blog, it's my life, if you think you might read something that you don't like, then don't read it at all. Censor yourself, because I just now decided I won't do it for you.

Well I'll just tell you what happened last night.

I went to Sunshine's house, we watched a terrible movie. It just sucked. We ended up changing it to a funnier, much better movie. Which we barely watched anyway. We kept getting distracted by the computer, and cookies... stuff like that. I do believe he sprayed me with cooking oil once or twice, and I thought that was hilarious.... Part of me wanted to completely attack him and shove him against a wall, and the other part of me wanted to just be gentle. I couldn't decide so I didn't do anything. His mother made the most wonderful dinner. I enjoyed it very much. I felt like I was slow though, because I was the last one to finish my dinner. His little brother is so cute! He looks a lot like Pigeon, only of course, he's older, and everyone in that family seems to have the same teeth. Odd. But after all of this, we went outside to wait for my parents to get there. We sat on the curb and tried to find and pick out stars. We only could see three, not as beautiful as another night, but we sat there for quite a while, listening for cars and stuff.
Then we kissed.
That is all I will say about that.
It was amazing.
Ok I'll be quiet now. But really, wow.

I have my concert I'm going to on Sunday, tomorrow. I'm very excited, but I'm still a little bit scared.

So, right now, a little bit of me is feeling like I'm getting back at a few people right now. People that I don't necessarily WANT to get back at, but I wouldn't do it otherwise. Honestly, it feels nice.

So, I think I love him. But I won't tell him. I'm NOT going to rush this one. I've learned from that. He'll tell me. Not the other way around. But.... oh well I'll just stop now. I love him, that is all.

SaltwaterRoom

I haven't really been doing anything too interesting the past few days. Things are going slow, which I like in some ways. In other ways, it's just getting annoying.

People I love and care about are hurting, and it stresses me out... kind of. But I love listening and I want to help, I really do. But sometimes, I just CAN'T.

Other people have decided to go out of my life. But I know that he won't ever be gone fully. Honestly, I don't know why that happens, but neither of us can stop from somehow being a little bit involved in eachother's lives. Odd.

I really don't have a lot to say today. I drew a rather gruesome picture for my English class. A vengeful angel with a bloody sword and a city on fire with bloodied bodies everywhere... is that good, teacher??? :P

I am so excited for this weekend. Starting Friday. It'll be fun. Friday I have a football game I'm going to, which is the two rival schools... so it should be interesting. I have a concert to go to on Sunday, with Sunshine. I'm a little scared, I can't remember if I told you this or not. But I keep making him promise he'll keep me safe. Yeah, I'm that scared.

Sleepyhead

So, so, so much has happened lately, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to keep up on here. I feel terrible for that. So this might be short, or quite long. Depends on what all I decide to say.

There have been people that read things on here, take them totally literally, and end up yelling at me for something I have merely expressed in writing. Not everything I say on here is all aimed at you, or whatever. Now that that's over...

School's going good. There's drama with Turtle, but what do I honestly expect from him? Tons and tons and tons of drama. Do you have a problem with Sunshine? Is that it? UGH, he needs to either be my friend, or leave me alone, I'm honestly sick of it all.

So lots happened last weekend, I think it was? Yes, well, I went to a movie with Crane, her boyfriend, Crane's best friend, her boyfriend, and Sunshine went with me. We saw The Last Exorcism. I was scared the whole time, and I just about broke Sunshine's hand at the last part. I still feel bad about that. Other stuff happened, but I am going to decide to not go into that now, I'll post it later, when it doesn't mean so much, or get me so worked up or whatever.
Then this weekend, Sunshine and I went with Crane and Swan to a place called Link Coworking, to help build furniture and stuff. It's going to be a new business, so we were helping out. All we ended up really doing though is hauling trash a freaking fourth of a mile back and fourth from the building.
When we were done with that, we went back to our house and watched a movie. Sunshine is so gentle and smooth in his movements and everything he does... ok I'm sorry, I'll stop with that...

So I find myself missing everyone lately. I really miss Finn, especially. And Snowflake. Stupid things start reminding me of them. Like Sunshine's friend... I'm either really stupid and haven't noticed that she looks like Snowflake and acts like her, or I'm convincing myself that she's her so that I'm not so Homesick....

Anyway, I think that's all I'm going to put here today. I'll type up a copy of my Creative Writing
Journal sometime maybe. Again, when it doesn't mean so much to me or make me feel whatever.

LOVES!!!

ToTheMoonAndBack,Babe

So, school's going good... well great actually. I never thought I would say that ever. But I'm saying it now.

I just got back from a football game. The stadiums are full on our side, which makes the opposing team's supporters look... well... tiny.
Our band is peppy, everyone in the stands goes all out with their body paint and headbands. There were cowbells and trash cans...
Then there was him.
He's like a great big sunshiny energy source. I'll just call him Sunshine.
He is the one who invited me to hang out with him at the game in the first place. He's so sweet and friendly. He's incredibly happy and he's always telling me to be happy and to put a smile on my face.
He's so funny, he made me laugh until I cried. Which is a big deal for me lately. I used to do that all the time when I was Home. But I haven't in about six months here.
Anyway, the people that Sunshine originally came with were photographers. So they were all on the football field.
I had him to myself for so long. Occasionally my little sophomore friend Pony would interrupt us, but for the most part I had Sunshine to myself. Wow. He's so incredibly sweet. His life honestly should suck, everything that has happened to him. But he just pushes past it and is the most positive person ever. It's amazing. Oh and he touched my hands... several times. It felt amazing. Like he was supposed to do it.

I got a new baby kitten. He's so tiny and he's a little white Siamese. So he has these huge blue eyes. He is my baby. I tell people that I am such a mommy. I'm not kidding when I say that. I really am just a mommy to any little thing that needs me.

Finn's been a bit strange lately. I don't know exactly how to explain it. He's just... odd. But hey, he's my bud, so I gotta deal.

I find myself pathetically missing Protector. I miss him so much, I really do. I love him, I really do. I feel like I need him. Gosh, I don't know what to do.

Well, Bird's finally talking to me again, which makes me happy.

Uhm... I think that's all I have to say for now. Goodnight! ^_^

TrippedAndFellInPortland

So, I realize I have not been exactly open as I should be to you. And I am sorry for that. I can't say I'm happy school is back or that I am sad, but I'm pretty sure I've been over this.
Sometimes I don't understand why I can't just CONTROL MYSELF. Why can't I just be happy with one guy these days...? Is this what happens to a broken heart??? (cough cough.. Bird...)

Dolphin and I are very close, since Wanderer and Protector seem to have pretty much abandoned me. I have a feeling Dolphin won't abandon me. At least I hope he won't. He says he won't. I just want to be loved for ME. I want an honest, clean, pure relationship. I don't want past secrets and heartbreaks to haunt our present conditions. I just want a clean slate. Someone I can trust to not hurt me like the others have.
I know what they all say: I won't do it again, I promise you. I wouldn't do that to you again.
But I've been lied to so many times by so many people who I swore wouldn't lie to me, I just don't know what to believe anymore.

Can you tell I'm lost?

I did something very.... evil (?) last night....
Well not really. They agreed to do it. I won't go into too many details, but I must say I was quite surprised they did it and I honestly don't think I'll look at either of them the same ever again....
;)

So I watched a movie, called CityIsland. It was a good movie. It has kind of a slow start, but it sped up very quickly. It's one of those movies that have little things throughout the movie that connect together. Small things, but they all turn into a huge deal. Make sense?

I'm reading a book called The Art of Racing in the Rain. It's a wonderful book about a dog and his master, told from the dog's point of view. It says something on the cover along the lines of the dog teaching humanity how to behave. It's really a great book, and I'm only on page 50.

Jazzy, one of my ex's and Dolphin's friend, was showing me odd videos on youtube the other day. I got rather addicted to them and I spent about two hours purely watching them. Here were a few of my favourites though.

(DISCLAIMER: If you get grossed out easily, are mentally insane, have some kind of fear of creepy, or weird things, please don't watch these. I'm serious.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23YI1bWAuMY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idCFV0KF4uo&feature=PlayList&p=25D6E312FB66428C&index=0&playnext=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPSRVbTcLwE&p=25D6E312FB66428C&index=6

Ok, this last one is my absolute favourite, it has been for a while. It's not one that Dolphin or Jazzy showed me. I've known of this one for a while now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjBDfZZQz54

CreativeWriting

So, I wrote a few short kind of story things in Creative Writing today and I'll put them on here. I don't think they are that wonderful, but I'll put them on here anyway.

On the other side of that door, there was no familiarity. "The first day is always the hardest", my mother told me before I left. I was venturing into some place so new and it was definitely not what I was used to at all. The people could be like animals, staring me down like I'm their next meal. They could be completely close-minded and they'd never WANT to understand. "Come on, it's high school. You're a sophomore." What if nobody even cared or noticed me? Maybe I should try to blend in.

Ok, I stopped that one there, because...well... we had fifteen minutes to write something based on a prompt and I wasn't' really feeling it with this one. So I quickly chose another prompt and wrote a small bit on that. Here it is.

The rumble of the moving truck rang in my ears. My feet were dragging on the ground. I didn't want to leave. The last time I saw him, he was happy and smiling. Now, he was trying to smile, but I could see the tears blurring his eyes. He was one of my best friends. I could tell him anything, except for right now. I was terrified and mentally lost, but I wasn't about to let that show. In the distance, I could hear my parents calling me to go, I could hear my sister's sobbing. But all of that needed to go away. I couldn't leave him here alone like this. I tried to smile as we said goodbye, but the tears couldn't stop. I had to go. I had to leave everything that I ever knew to be home. Abandon every single thing that ever mattered to me for a place I knew nothing about. Leave for a place that didn't know me.

Alright, that one was rather short, and a bit lame. I wish I had been able to incorporate a lot more than just that. I mean that was a big moment for me, but so was saying goodbye to Snowflake and I wish I could've had that in there too. This next one is a bit confusing and I think it's depressing. Here goes.

Max was Brendon's best friend. That is, before Brendon became what he'd call "popular". High-school-popular: Famous, who all the girls want, the one who never misses a party. The one who made Max a nobody. He was the one who ate lunch alone, the one who hasn't had his first kiss, the one who never would.
Brendon was perfect: star football player, good grades, the whole nine yards. When he became popular, Max just kind of slipped out of his life. Brendon didn't even seem to notice.
Max would ask himself constantly if he was worth it, if he had any purpose in his life at all.
Two years passed and as Brendon's life grew better, Max's life continued to spiral down. Nobody noticed though. Max was a good student. Quiet, but he made good grades. Sure he had a few friends, but even then he didn't really have anyone to trust and who could understand him quite like Brendon used to.
Soon enough, the cuts got deeper. When the blood poured out, it seemed like the problems were leaving him. Deeper and deeper they got.
Quickly enough, Max disappeared forever. And didn't Brendon notice? Did he care? Did he ever stop he glorious life to ask whatever happened to that boy who ate lunch alone, that boy who was a nobody? Did he know the last thing that boy felt was loneliness, the last thing he said was "Wait," the last thing he saw was blackness?
Now, that boy's mother cries herself to sleep alone every night, wondering why nobody saw this coming, not even her.

Aaaaaalright, how's that for an ending note? Sometimes my own writing teaches even MYSELF a lesson or two. I hope you can take something from it. Sorry it's so depressing though.... :(

I love you :)

Why did I just say that? Uhhhhhhhmmmmmmm oooooook...... enough said here.