So, when is the last time that I blogged? I don't know.
I am really bored, and again the only reason I'm blogging right now is because Sunshine reminded me to.
Speaking of him, we are having fun with our relationship here. :P That face is all that is needed here at this moment. Long weekends and short nights...
No nothing too serious is happening yet.
So, my mother told me earlier tonight that I could go to a party. A party in which I'd have to stay the night. This is my first actual party... And MY parents are letting me stay the night?! Wow... alright big shocker give me a chill pill here.
AND SUNSHINE WILL BE THERE. XD alright. Done now.
So, classes are going good. A lot of projects and associated homework, but that is to be expected.
Finn's parents piss me off. They take away all his things. HIS things. Oh and you know he's over 18? Yeah, wow. Alright, get a job, I love ya, GET A JOB.
Protector is so confusing. One day he hates me and "wants me to be happy with him", and the next day he loves me and "is scared he's losing me forever". -.-' uhm, yeah. You confuse the hell out of me, and none of your logic for doing so makes any sense. Just because we aren't dating doesn't mean we shouldn't be just friends. You're a cool guy and a good friend. Be one.
Bite. Ok done, really... I promise.
So, Crane is SO dramatic. She just cannot seem to make sense of anything, and she always acts like I'm retarded. No matter what we are talking about. But this is the Crane in public. At home, when no one is around, she is usually really sweet and happy. But the MOMENT we step off of that bus, she is a complete bitch to me. It's quite embarassing seeing a girl so mature when she is herself turn into a typical freshman girl drooling over every other guy that walks by.
So mother said that if I wanted to get on the depo shot then I could. Now, I don't know if I want to. She said it's cheaper than having a baby, but I really don't want to stress Eagle out. He gets stressed so easily. But, I only have to get one four times a year, and if I do get it, it doesn't mean I HAVE to have sex. Just in case I do. Or if I am sexually active. BUUUUUUT I feel like if I get too much into this topic, then I'll start telling you all about mine and Sunshine's magical expieriences.... XD So I'm going to go now before I get carried away.....
<3
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
BeLikeThat
Hey blog guess what? It's my birthday. :)
So today I got a new iPod. It's one of those cool little nanos with a touch screen. It's so adorable. Sunshine got me some fishies, the idiot one already died though, he was an idiot. Oh well.
I also bought myself new headphones. They are sweet. Uhmmmmm I got to skip school today because I can. Sunshine skipped school too. My mom and I picked him up around 2 and he stayed until like 8. It made me happy. He's so amazing :) HE MADE ME BROWNIES <3
Ok, random freak out about Sunshine... done.
I really don't have a lot to say here.... I ate so much today. I've probably gained 10 pounds today alone.
I don't know what to do here. Hmm... I think I'll just... go. :)
So today I got a new iPod. It's one of those cool little nanos with a touch screen. It's so adorable. Sunshine got me some fishies, the idiot one already died though, he was an idiot. Oh well.
I also bought myself new headphones. They are sweet. Uhmmmmm I got to skip school today because I can. Sunshine skipped school too. My mom and I picked him up around 2 and he stayed until like 8. It made me happy. He's so amazing :) HE MADE ME BROWNIES <3
Ok, random freak out about Sunshine... done.
I really don't have a lot to say here.... I ate so much today. I've probably gained 10 pounds today alone.
I don't know what to do here. Hmm... I think I'll just... go. :)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
FixYou
Oh I really should keep up with this more. If it weren't for Sunshine telling me to update it, I probably would have forgotten all about it.
Well, today I met Sunshine's brother. That was fun. He's really cool, he's real and I really admire that. Some people seem fake, covered up.
As the winter season approaches, I feel like I'm changing. I don't know exactly how, but I feel like I'm changing. And it's kind of scary, honestly.
So I hate it when people think I must be like everyone else. I'm not just some girl, I'm not just another person. I hate it when people treat me like I am. And I hate it when I see other people treating others like that. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what.
So Turtle is still antagonizing these innocent girls. I asked Finn the other night, if he could kill someone and not be in trouble for it, would he. He said no, and I said no too. But I've been thinking. And I do have to say I probably would kill someone. I'd kill Daiquiri and Turtle, probably without hesitation or second thought. She ruined my life, and there is no other way to stop Turtle without making his life miserable, so why not end it altogether?
I need to stop feeling empty and alone. Because I'm not at all. Wanderer keeps.... wandering. Protector keeps... changing. Dolphin keeps... abandoning me. But hey right now it seems like all I have is Sunshine, and that's ok, I don't mind. But I'm not going to depend on another human being for happiness. Well I'll really try not to.
So, if someone wanted to destroy me, how would they go about doing that? I was just wondering, and I want some answers. I don't know who would be cruel enough to destroy me, but I want to know how they'd do it. I mean, knowing myself so well, I have a few ideas on how one could destroy me, but all of them involve knowing me fairly well. I know that if I were to destroy someone and I had to get to know them very well, I would become attached to them and not be able to do it.
The crisp morning air was just settling in the dark of 4AM. The mountains glittered in the moonlight with snow. Everything was still, holding it's breath. Trees resisted to shiver. I opened the front door to the napping house quietly, slowly, as not to wake anything. Including myself. My wavy hair pulled away from the wind's cold, soft whispers. The streetlamps gave the street halos of light. In the silent sound, there was no one but me. I rested my hand on the wall outside for support, and shut the door, quietly, slowly. The stars twinkled their delight, greeting me. I smiled back at them. My bare toes brushed the perfect, newborn snow. Yes, it was cold. Freezing. But I loved it. I let my feet drag as I walked effortlessly into the bare yard. I shut my eyes and my eyelashes brushed my smiling cheekbones. I let my knees fall into the sparkling snow. It embraced me and made me whole. I kept smiling, knowing none of this was real. I dropped my hands into the cold and splashed it onto my face. I breathed in deep and looked back to the stars for encouragement. They twinkled again in laughter. An orange yellow light creeped over the mountains' bases and tickled the dead fields of wheat. I curled my whole body into the freezing liquid-solid perfection. The trees above me began to shiver, knowing it was time to wake up. The stars shone a final goodbye. The ground fell in on itself, hiding from this strange light that signaled day. It was time to wake up, but I didn't want to.
Well, I just wrote that right now, I don't know what it was, but... yeah. :P Bye!
Well, today I met Sunshine's brother. That was fun. He's really cool, he's real and I really admire that. Some people seem fake, covered up.
As the winter season approaches, I feel like I'm changing. I don't know exactly how, but I feel like I'm changing. And it's kind of scary, honestly.
So I hate it when people think I must be like everyone else. I'm not just some girl, I'm not just another person. I hate it when people treat me like I am. And I hate it when I see other people treating others like that. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what.
So Turtle is still antagonizing these innocent girls. I asked Finn the other night, if he could kill someone and not be in trouble for it, would he. He said no, and I said no too. But I've been thinking. And I do have to say I probably would kill someone. I'd kill Daiquiri and Turtle, probably without hesitation or second thought. She ruined my life, and there is no other way to stop Turtle without making his life miserable, so why not end it altogether?
I need to stop feeling empty and alone. Because I'm not at all. Wanderer keeps.... wandering. Protector keeps... changing. Dolphin keeps... abandoning me. But hey right now it seems like all I have is Sunshine, and that's ok, I don't mind. But I'm not going to depend on another human being for happiness. Well I'll really try not to.
So, if someone wanted to destroy me, how would they go about doing that? I was just wondering, and I want some answers. I don't know who would be cruel enough to destroy me, but I want to know how they'd do it. I mean, knowing myself so well, I have a few ideas on how one could destroy me, but all of them involve knowing me fairly well. I know that if I were to destroy someone and I had to get to know them very well, I would become attached to them and not be able to do it.
The crisp morning air was just settling in the dark of 4AM. The mountains glittered in the moonlight with snow. Everything was still, holding it's breath. Trees resisted to shiver. I opened the front door to the napping house quietly, slowly, as not to wake anything. Including myself. My wavy hair pulled away from the wind's cold, soft whispers. The streetlamps gave the street halos of light. In the silent sound, there was no one but me. I rested my hand on the wall outside for support, and shut the door, quietly, slowly. The stars twinkled their delight, greeting me. I smiled back at them. My bare toes brushed the perfect, newborn snow. Yes, it was cold. Freezing. But I loved it. I let my feet drag as I walked effortlessly into the bare yard. I shut my eyes and my eyelashes brushed my smiling cheekbones. I let my knees fall into the sparkling snow. It embraced me and made me whole. I kept smiling, knowing none of this was real. I dropped my hands into the cold and splashed it onto my face. I breathed in deep and looked back to the stars for encouragement. They twinkled again in laughter. An orange yellow light creeped over the mountains' bases and tickled the dead fields of wheat. I curled my whole body into the freezing liquid-solid perfection. The trees above me began to shiver, knowing it was time to wake up. The stars shone a final goodbye. The ground fell in on itself, hiding from this strange light that signaled day. It was time to wake up, but I didn't want to.
Well, I just wrote that right now, I don't know what it was, but... yeah. :P Bye!
Monday, October 11, 2010
HeySoulSister
So, to start off this post, I'll tell you what has happened the past few days in a short little segment. Ok?
So... was it Friday or Saturday that I went to Sunshine's with Kelley? I don't know. But it was fun, we watched The Breakfast Club. I took some.... stuff, and it made me act strange. It was the first time I took it so, yeah. Then on... Sunday, he came over here and we ended up going to the park, playing frisbee, until the dark of night fell. We played tag for probably about two minutes, until I was "too exhausted" and flopped down onto the grass of the field. Crane, of course was prancing around like a gazelle, as Sunshine called her. Maybe I should change her name to Gazelle? Nah, I like crane better, it's more... white. XD Then a few of Crane's "boys" showed up. Well, only one of them was her boy, but the rest were his friends. They were assholes. That is all I will say about them. And I got a weird vibe. The same vibe I got that one night when they were.... Anyway, Sunshine and I ended up laying in the grass for a while. I love his touch, the touch of his skin, every part about him, feels amazing. Calm, gentle, happy. Then we went back to my house. We went upstairs to our room and Crane was on skype with Rain, convincing herself that she hated herself while Sunshine and I made out on my bed. He laughed gently whenever he heard her say she hated herself. I could smile... be happy. Relaxed, and not feel guilty about it for once in my life. We'd lay there, our heavy breathing taking up the surrounding air, our lips touching ever so gently. He's so gentle and sweet. I whispered "I love you" and he smiled. He breathed, "I love you too." God, he just makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. I love it.
Now, I'm going to say I'm sorry for that last post...I was in a terrible mood and I had to go off at something, somebody, about anything. Now, I'm apologizing, not saying that anything in there was uncalled for. Because I still stand, it's all true.
I told Snowflake something tonight, I think it's a great lesson. Especially for her. I miss her so much. This is what I said... well parts of it, tweaked here and there just cause.
Don't worry about people and what they think of you. you aren't what they think, and you shouldn't give a shit about the lies they tell themselves to make them feel better.
you're beautiful and perfect, if they don't see that, fuck them. those kinds of people don't deserve you, and the ones that push past everyone else's lies and selfish pride are the ones who are worth it in the end.
every day, my mind rewinds to the little tiny moments and the long days where time was at our disposal, but it was running out. i wish i could go back in time... just re-live just one of those moments, once. it's just... you never know what you have until it's gone. i never wanted things to fall apart, and for a while i honestly thought they really were falling apart. but now i finally see things are just rebuilding, healing, fixing. they aren't falling apart at all.
Point is, in the end, all there is, is you. No one else should have the authority to make you feel a certain way, and if you do let them, they better be pretty damn special, and it better feel good. Not just feel good now, but feel good for a long, long time. Only let those people invade your life that are worth it. Feel your feelings, let them show. Cry, be angry, scream, JUST FEEL IT. Know what it feels like! "A man has a weakness, he's flawed. That flaw leads him to guilt. The guilt leads him to shame. The shame he compensates with pride and vanity. And when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction. It will become his fate... Something's gotta stop the flow."
You aren't GOD for fuck's sake. You make mistakes, and people around you make mistakes! Accept it, stop the flow, MOVE ON. But please, please, feel it. If you ever learn one thing from me, feel it. Don't hide behind covers and curtains of WHATEVER. People become destroyed by their own attempts to heal things that they refuse to feel. If you want something to heal, feel it first.
People happen upon a mishap in their life, instead of feeling it, they become numb. Using substances, becoming fake, surrounding themselves with anything to numb the pain. Truth is, they are going to have to stop doing whatever they are doing to "numb" the pain sooner or later. Does it really help in the end? All that numbing, holding off on the pain, does it REALLY feel better? FEEL IT. Feel the pain, please.
Ok, random rant is over, and I'm going to stop writing now before I get carried away with another topic.
By the way I watched this movie called Ink. It's from 2009, look it up, watch it. It's truely amazing.
So... was it Friday or Saturday that I went to Sunshine's with Kelley? I don't know. But it was fun, we watched The Breakfast Club. I took some.... stuff, and it made me act strange. It was the first time I took it so, yeah. Then on... Sunday, he came over here and we ended up going to the park, playing frisbee, until the dark of night fell. We played tag for probably about two minutes, until I was "too exhausted" and flopped down onto the grass of the field. Crane, of course was prancing around like a gazelle, as Sunshine called her. Maybe I should change her name to Gazelle? Nah, I like crane better, it's more... white. XD Then a few of Crane's "boys" showed up. Well, only one of them was her boy, but the rest were his friends. They were assholes. That is all I will say about them. And I got a weird vibe. The same vibe I got that one night when they were.... Anyway, Sunshine and I ended up laying in the grass for a while. I love his touch, the touch of his skin, every part about him, feels amazing. Calm, gentle, happy. Then we went back to my house. We went upstairs to our room and Crane was on skype with Rain, convincing herself that she hated herself while Sunshine and I made out on my bed. He laughed gently whenever he heard her say she hated herself. I could smile... be happy. Relaxed, and not feel guilty about it for once in my life. We'd lay there, our heavy breathing taking up the surrounding air, our lips touching ever so gently. He's so gentle and sweet. I whispered "I love you" and he smiled. He breathed, "I love you too." God, he just makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. I love it.
Now, I'm going to say I'm sorry for that last post...I was in a terrible mood and I had to go off at something, somebody, about anything. Now, I'm apologizing, not saying that anything in there was uncalled for. Because I still stand, it's all true.
I told Snowflake something tonight, I think it's a great lesson. Especially for her. I miss her so much. This is what I said... well parts of it, tweaked here and there just cause.
Don't worry about people and what they think of you. you aren't what they think, and you shouldn't give a shit about the lies they tell themselves to make them feel better.
you're beautiful and perfect, if they don't see that, fuck them. those kinds of people don't deserve you, and the ones that push past everyone else's lies and selfish pride are the ones who are worth it in the end.
every day, my mind rewinds to the little tiny moments and the long days where time was at our disposal, but it was running out. i wish i could go back in time... just re-live just one of those moments, once. it's just... you never know what you have until it's gone. i never wanted things to fall apart, and for a while i honestly thought they really were falling apart. but now i finally see things are just rebuilding, healing, fixing. they aren't falling apart at all.
Point is, in the end, all there is, is you. No one else should have the authority to make you feel a certain way, and if you do let them, they better be pretty damn special, and it better feel good. Not just feel good now, but feel good for a long, long time. Only let those people invade your life that are worth it. Feel your feelings, let them show. Cry, be angry, scream, JUST FEEL IT. Know what it feels like! "A man has a weakness, he's flawed. That flaw leads him to guilt. The guilt leads him to shame. The shame he compensates with pride and vanity. And when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction. It will become his fate... Something's gotta stop the flow."
You aren't GOD for fuck's sake. You make mistakes, and people around you make mistakes! Accept it, stop the flow, MOVE ON. But please, please, feel it. If you ever learn one thing from me, feel it. Don't hide behind covers and curtains of WHATEVER. People become destroyed by their own attempts to heal things that they refuse to feel. If you want something to heal, feel it first.
People happen upon a mishap in their life, instead of feeling it, they become numb. Using substances, becoming fake, surrounding themselves with anything to numb the pain. Truth is, they are going to have to stop doing whatever they are doing to "numb" the pain sooner or later. Does it really help in the end? All that numbing, holding off on the pain, does it REALLY feel better? FEEL IT. Feel the pain, please.
Ok, random rant is over, and I'm going to stop writing now before I get carried away with another topic.
By the way I watched this movie called Ink. It's from 2009, look it up, watch it. It's truely amazing.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Exposure...
This blog is going to expose some people. For what they are. Honestly and truely. Some of it IS my opinion, and what I think of them. But it's still true, nonetheless. No lies, no cover-ups. I just feel like I need to tell somebody.
So, let's start out looking at California.
Now, I love her. I really do. But she's self-centered. She's a liar. She is an air-head. She needs to bathe more often, which probably isn't her fault, so I won't put too much blame of that on her. She can't really shut up, she's embarrassing to be around in my Creative Writing Class sometimes. God I'm going to regret writing this I know it. All of this. I'm going to regret it. But they won't know about it anyway.
Next, let's move right along to Bird.
He is a player. He's a man whore. He says these intimate things to girls to win their hearts over, therefore winning their bodies over. He's such an asshole. He says the same thing to every girl. "I love you for more than just your looks, babe." Girl says, "Like what?" He says, "Everything else..." He DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND HE WILL NEVER CARE. Ok?
Let's look at Magic.
He's very self-centred and I think he's a lot like Bird, only Magic has a bit more character and substance to him. But only a little bit. The way he treats California is retarded and I personally wouldn't deal with him for one second if I were her. He keeps telling her he's going to come here and visit her. He's been telling her this for the past year now, and what does he do the SECOND he has a sufficient amount of money saved up? HE BUYS A LAPTOP. Now, California, how much does he REALLY care about you?
Crane.
She's self-centered, again. She rarely controls what comes out of her mouth. She has no idea what she's doing at all. She's bossy and controlling, she's forceful and has a short fuse. She's a hypocrite and she's extremely vain. She'd rather stare at herself in the mirror any day rather than lay back and look at the stars.
Protector.
I'm stuck on the old him, I know. But he's such an asshole now. He either sees it, and doesn't give a shit, or doesn't see it and still doesn't give a shit. It just seems like I try to care so much about him, how he's doing, what he's been up to, how his family is, how his life is going. BUT ALL I GET IS SHIT BACK. He doesn't care about me, or any other girl for that matter. I was his "FIRST LOVE" WHATEVER. I wasn't. I'm pretty sure he's said this before to many many other girls, and if he hasn't, did he really mean it when he said it? I don't know anymore. I have to live with lies and broken promises with him and I'm so sick of it all. I just want the old him back. But he's told me the old him is no more and he won't come back. I'm lost and I can't blame it all on him, because he definately wouldn't be like this if it weren't for THEM. But it makes no difference, it's still his choice, his words, his actions. If everyone takes everything away from you, you can always keep one thing, your WORD. Stop lying, stop cheating, get a life, USE YOUR BRAIN. Go to school, get a job, get a REAL girl who actually cares about you and doesn't treat your relationship like an ITEM. We both know you're more than that. Be smart.
Now, I know I'm being Miss Negative in this one, but you must understand, there are things I have to get off my chest.
Turtle.
"I'll love you forever." "I wouldn't use you." WHATEVER, ok? You HATE me, you completely used me and left me, and the only reason you ever talk to me anymore is to bitch at me about something I did over SEVEN MONTHS AGO. Get over yourself, you aren't that great. You keep using and antagonizing these innocent girls. Girls that know nothing about you. They think you're everything, you know that. Then you just fuck them and leave them. You always get onto my case about "being heartless", take a look in the mirror buddy, I think you should look at who you are before you start telling me who I am.
Wanderer
Stop being such a stupid head. You aren't really that lost, stop getting involved in everyone's drama that you really shouldn't be involved in. Try to mind your own business and stay in control of your life for a while. Oh, and stop the cutting. It's so annoying and pointless. It doesn't get you ANYWHERE. "Relieve Stress" MY ASS. Did it really "relieve stress"? NO. NO NO NO. So stop.
Ok, now I want to say thank you to all of these people that care. And listen. And don't give up.
Finn
Ok, you're amazing. You've been through so much shit with me, and you still are my best friend. You know me inside and out. You know when I say something it says something else really. You can pick me apart and put me together again. And when you can't, you help me find the pieces. Thank you so much, I miss you and I love you. You're a great brother, you really are. Thanks for always being there.
Snowflake
Oh my gosh, I miss you so much, and I really love it how you try to help me and make me feel better even when your life is shit. You have a huge heart and you're absolutely gorgeous, you deserve everything you could ever want in life. Thank you so much for always sticking by my side all this time. How long has it been? Four years or something crazy? Love you.
Swan
You're my mother, of course I have to thank you. You honestly are a great example of how to screw up, but you are a good example of how to get back on track. I love how open our relationship is and how I can tell you ANYTHING. It means so much.
Sunshine
I know you haven't been here for me as long as the others have, but you're still amazing. You're totally cool with most everything, you don't judge people, and you're so funny. You just brighten up my day and my mood whenever you're around. You're incredibly sweet to me and you actually listen. You're good at telling who people are, and I'm glad, because I think you'd be completely lost with me... I don't know if you are right now.... But... Yeah. Point is, you're there for me, and we have a great relationship. You're like my best friend, only I'm in love with you. My mother always said this was the sign of a great relationship. And I love it. So thanks for being so good to me.
Wanderer
I know I just gave you shit up there, but you are still there for me. You're kind of like Finn about how you can pick me apart and put me together again. You know me inside and out. It takes a lot of patience to be able to do that. You do leave me randomly, but it's just who you are and I forgive you. But again, thanks for helping me through a lot of my hard times and understanding me even when you didn't want to.
So, I think that's all I'm going to put today. I'm definately sure to hurt some feelings here and there. But I honestly don't give a shit. :)
Love you, til next time LadyWar.
So, let's start out looking at California.
Now, I love her. I really do. But she's self-centered. She's a liar. She is an air-head. She needs to bathe more often, which probably isn't her fault, so I won't put too much blame of that on her. She can't really shut up, she's embarrassing to be around in my Creative Writing Class sometimes. God I'm going to regret writing this I know it. All of this. I'm going to regret it. But they won't know about it anyway.
Next, let's move right along to Bird.
He is a player. He's a man whore. He says these intimate things to girls to win their hearts over, therefore winning their bodies over. He's such an asshole. He says the same thing to every girl. "I love you for more than just your looks, babe." Girl says, "Like what?" He says, "Everything else..." He DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND HE WILL NEVER CARE. Ok?
Let's look at Magic.
He's very self-centred and I think he's a lot like Bird, only Magic has a bit more character and substance to him. But only a little bit. The way he treats California is retarded and I personally wouldn't deal with him for one second if I were her. He keeps telling her he's going to come here and visit her. He's been telling her this for the past year now, and what does he do the SECOND he has a sufficient amount of money saved up? HE BUYS A LAPTOP. Now, California, how much does he REALLY care about you?
Crane.
She's self-centered, again. She rarely controls what comes out of her mouth. She has no idea what she's doing at all. She's bossy and controlling, she's forceful and has a short fuse. She's a hypocrite and she's extremely vain. She'd rather stare at herself in the mirror any day rather than lay back and look at the stars.
Protector.
I'm stuck on the old him, I know. But he's such an asshole now. He either sees it, and doesn't give a shit, or doesn't see it and still doesn't give a shit. It just seems like I try to care so much about him, how he's doing, what he's been up to, how his family is, how his life is going. BUT ALL I GET IS SHIT BACK. He doesn't care about me, or any other girl for that matter. I was his "FIRST LOVE" WHATEVER. I wasn't. I'm pretty sure he's said this before to many many other girls, and if he hasn't, did he really mean it when he said it? I don't know anymore. I have to live with lies and broken promises with him and I'm so sick of it all. I just want the old him back. But he's told me the old him is no more and he won't come back. I'm lost and I can't blame it all on him, because he definately wouldn't be like this if it weren't for THEM. But it makes no difference, it's still his choice, his words, his actions. If everyone takes everything away from you, you can always keep one thing, your WORD. Stop lying, stop cheating, get a life, USE YOUR BRAIN. Go to school, get a job, get a REAL girl who actually cares about you and doesn't treat your relationship like an ITEM. We both know you're more than that. Be smart.
Now, I know I'm being Miss Negative in this one, but you must understand, there are things I have to get off my chest.
Turtle.
"I'll love you forever." "I wouldn't use you." WHATEVER, ok? You HATE me, you completely used me and left me, and the only reason you ever talk to me anymore is to bitch at me about something I did over SEVEN MONTHS AGO. Get over yourself, you aren't that great. You keep using and antagonizing these innocent girls. Girls that know nothing about you. They think you're everything, you know that. Then you just fuck them and leave them. You always get onto my case about "being heartless", take a look in the mirror buddy, I think you should look at who you are before you start telling me who I am.
Wanderer
Stop being such a stupid head. You aren't really that lost, stop getting involved in everyone's drama that you really shouldn't be involved in. Try to mind your own business and stay in control of your life for a while. Oh, and stop the cutting. It's so annoying and pointless. It doesn't get you ANYWHERE. "Relieve Stress" MY ASS. Did it really "relieve stress"? NO. NO NO NO. So stop.
Ok, now I want to say thank you to all of these people that care. And listen. And don't give up.
Finn
Ok, you're amazing. You've been through so much shit with me, and you still are my best friend. You know me inside and out. You know when I say something it says something else really. You can pick me apart and put me together again. And when you can't, you help me find the pieces. Thank you so much, I miss you and I love you. You're a great brother, you really are. Thanks for always being there.
Snowflake
Oh my gosh, I miss you so much, and I really love it how you try to help me and make me feel better even when your life is shit. You have a huge heart and you're absolutely gorgeous, you deserve everything you could ever want in life. Thank you so much for always sticking by my side all this time. How long has it been? Four years or something crazy? Love you.
Swan
You're my mother, of course I have to thank you. You honestly are a great example of how to screw up, but you are a good example of how to get back on track. I love how open our relationship is and how I can tell you ANYTHING. It means so much.
Sunshine
I know you haven't been here for me as long as the others have, but you're still amazing. You're totally cool with most everything, you don't judge people, and you're so funny. You just brighten up my day and my mood whenever you're around. You're incredibly sweet to me and you actually listen. You're good at telling who people are, and I'm glad, because I think you'd be completely lost with me... I don't know if you are right now.... But... Yeah. Point is, you're there for me, and we have a great relationship. You're like my best friend, only I'm in love with you. My mother always said this was the sign of a great relationship. And I love it. So thanks for being so good to me.
Wanderer
I know I just gave you shit up there, but you are still there for me. You're kind of like Finn about how you can pick me apart and put me together again. You know me inside and out. It takes a lot of patience to be able to do that. You do leave me randomly, but it's just who you are and I forgive you. But again, thanks for helping me through a lot of my hard times and understanding me even when you didn't want to.
So, I think that's all I'm going to put today. I'm definately sure to hurt some feelings here and there. But I honestly don't give a shit. :)
Love you, til next time LadyWar.
Monday, October 4, 2010
JustBecause
When's the last time I posted on this thing? It seems like it's been a while. I don't know, really. I'm losing my mind....
Well, it's Wanderer's birthday in two days, and I haven't gotten him anything, partially because I don't know what to get him, and partially because I don't have any money.
School is.... boring, as always. Classes are easy.... as always. It seems like I'm running out of things to occupy my space with sometimes.
My chemistry teacher has these two fish, they are big, and I love them. But I got rather upset when my teacher decided that the best food for them was LIVE goldfish. You know how much I love goldfish, and I just.... I mean there started out with 70 of them on thursday or friday, now there are only 1 left. It's sad.
Saturday, Sunshine came over to my house for like, seven hours. It was amazing. I love him. We babysat the little ones while Crane went off and watched a movie at the theatre with her friends. I've honestly noticed he's been getting really sweet towards me. Like, gentle and stuff. And I like that, I don't think I could handle it differently haha.
But we had a good time, and I'm glad he is over his little sickness he had for a bit there.
Last night, I was walking around and I saw four baby kittens. Just sitting there in a yard. Smaller than our baby kitty. Which worried me, babies shouldn't be left outside to fend for themselves in October in this place.
I miss everyone from Home. I really do. And I wish I could do more to help them with their problems, but I can't. They'll be alright though. I think that is all I have to say today, SEE YYAAAAAA.
Well, it's Wanderer's birthday in two days, and I haven't gotten him anything, partially because I don't know what to get him, and partially because I don't have any money.
School is.... boring, as always. Classes are easy.... as always. It seems like I'm running out of things to occupy my space with sometimes.
My chemistry teacher has these two fish, they are big, and I love them. But I got rather upset when my teacher decided that the best food for them was LIVE goldfish. You know how much I love goldfish, and I just.... I mean there started out with 70 of them on thursday or friday, now there are only 1 left. It's sad.
Saturday, Sunshine came over to my house for like, seven hours. It was amazing. I love him. We babysat the little ones while Crane went off and watched a movie at the theatre with her friends. I've honestly noticed he's been getting really sweet towards me. Like, gentle and stuff. And I like that, I don't think I could handle it differently haha.
But we had a good time, and I'm glad he is over his little sickness he had for a bit there.
Last night, I was walking around and I saw four baby kittens. Just sitting there in a yard. Smaller than our baby kitty. Which worried me, babies shouldn't be left outside to fend for themselves in October in this place.
I miss everyone from Home. I really do. And I wish I could do more to help them with their problems, but I can't. They'll be alright though. I think that is all I have to say today, SEE YYAAAAAA.
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