HeySoulSister

So, to start off this post, I'll tell you what has happened the past few days in a short little segment. Ok?
So... was it Friday or Saturday that I went to Sunshine's with Kelley? I don't know. But it was fun, we watched The Breakfast Club. I took some.... stuff, and it made me act strange. It was the first time I took it so, yeah. Then on... Sunday, he came over here and we ended up going to the park, playing frisbee, until the dark of night fell. We played tag for probably about two minutes, until I was "too exhausted" and flopped down onto the grass of the field. Crane, of course was prancing around like a gazelle, as Sunshine called her. Maybe I should change her name to Gazelle? Nah, I like crane better, it's more... white. XD Then a few of Crane's "boys" showed up. Well, only one of them was her boy, but the rest were his friends. They were assholes. That is all I will say about them. And I got a weird vibe. The same vibe I got that one night when they were.... Anyway, Sunshine and I ended up laying in the grass for a while. I love his touch, the touch of his skin, every part about him, feels amazing. Calm, gentle, happy. Then we went back to my house. We went upstairs to our room and Crane was on skype with Rain, convincing herself that she hated herself while Sunshine and I made out on my bed. He laughed gently whenever he heard her say she hated herself. I could smile... be happy. Relaxed, and not feel guilty about it for once in my life. We'd lay there, our heavy breathing taking up the surrounding air, our lips touching ever so gently. He's so gentle and sweet. I whispered "I love you" and he smiled. He breathed, "I love you too." God, he just makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. I love it.

Now, I'm going to say I'm sorry for that last post...I was in a terrible mood and I had to go off at something, somebody, about anything. Now, I'm apologizing, not saying that anything in there was uncalled for. Because I still stand, it's all true.

I told Snowflake something tonight, I think it's a great lesson. Especially for her. I miss her so much. This is what I said... well parts of it, tweaked here and there just cause.

Don't worry about people and what they think of you. you aren't what they think, and you shouldn't give a shit about the lies they tell themselves to make them feel better.
you're beautiful and perfect, if they don't see that, fuck them. those kinds of people don't deserve you, and the ones that push past everyone else's lies and selfish pride are the ones who are worth it in the end.
every day, my mind rewinds to the little tiny moments and the long days where time was at our disposal, but it was running out. i wish i could go back in time... just re-live just one of those moments, once. it's just... you never know what you have until it's gone. i never wanted things to fall apart, and for a while i honestly thought they really were falling apart. but now i finally see things are just rebuilding, healing, fixing. they aren't falling apart at all.

Point is, in the end, all there is, is you. No one else should have the authority to make you feel a certain way, and if you do let them, they better be pretty damn special, and it better feel good. Not just feel good now, but feel good for a long, long time. Only let those people invade your life that are worth it. Feel your feelings, let them show. Cry, be angry, scream, JUST FEEL IT. Know what it feels like! "A man has a weakness, he's flawed. That flaw leads him to guilt. The guilt leads him to shame. The shame he compensates with pride and vanity. And when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction. It will become his fate... Something's gotta stop the flow."
You aren't GOD for fuck's sake. You make mistakes, and people around you make mistakes! Accept it, stop the flow, MOVE ON. But please, please, feel it. If you ever learn one thing from me, feel it. Don't hide behind covers and curtains of WHATEVER. People become destroyed by their own attempts to heal things that they refuse to feel. If you want something to heal, feel it first.
People happen upon a mishap in their life, instead of feeling it, they become numb. Using substances, becoming fake, surrounding themselves with anything to numb the pain. Truth is, they are going to have to stop doing whatever they are doing to "numb" the pain sooner or later. Does it really help in the end? All that numbing, holding off on the pain, does it REALLY feel better? FEEL IT. Feel the pain, please.

Ok, random rant is over, and I'm going to stop writing now before I get carried away with another topic.




By the way I watched this movie called Ink. It's from 2009, look it up, watch it. It's truely amazing.