IMissYou

There are so many people I miss. Even if they weren't too big of an impact on my life at the moment, they are now, and I realize what they all did for me. I miss Dolphin, Wanderer, Protector, Snowflake, EVERYONE. Even those people who I may not have ever mentioned in here, I miss them all so much. Even some of those people who I never once spoke one word to, I miss them too.

Do you ever feel like something is so annoying? Something you cannot stand? But you cannot get rid of that something? Why do people keep going back to the same thing that brought them down again? Why do they help those who want to pull you down?

Sometimes, I just get so discouraged. I begin to doubt the point in a lot of people. Dolphin, though, with all he's going through, he still wants to help. He insists to me that I cannot control how I feel and that the future holds many mysterious happenings. Things that we don't think can happen, really can. And probably will.

Protector and I talked on the phone for almost an hour and a half. Half of the time we really didn't have much to say, but to just know that he was there, and he is alive made it all worth it. We could be on the phone for hours and not say a word, but I'd still love every minute of it. He's so funny, he made me laugh several times, I'm not sure if he meant to, but he did. :)
He is going to be gone until Sunday, and I'm counting down the minutes until he returns.

"Your smile is amazing." "Your eyes are as deep as the ocean." "Your hair is so beautiful."

People could say all of this stuff, and I couldn't believe them for a million years. But I mean, EVERYONE starts saying this stuff about how beautiful I am. I don't really believe it, but I kind of feel like if so many people are saying it, either its a little true, or there is seriously some kind of defect that is spreading like wildfire to people's eyes.

Tomorrow is the last day of driver's ed. I will honestly miss it, I made a few friends there, and....yeah.

There is more and more drama with the people in Home. And of course, it all has to be spread about unevenly to Wanderer and I. It's not fair for him, he deals with everyone's shit anyway. They have no right to point fingers at him constantly.

I wish my friends would actually call me before they decide to do something stupid. Or when they are sad. I care about them and I want them to have the best life they can. Plenty of peoples' mistakes could have been prevented and stopped if they just gave me a call, I mean if nothing else I can just be a listening ear. Sometimes people just need someone to listen and understand and trust. I'm here.

I was told a secret a long while ago by Dolphin. I was the first person he told, and I'm glad for that. I'm afraid if he told someone else, they wouldn't have kept his secret, or they would have gotten mad at him. My job is to accept and help, not ridicule. Besides, he doesn't deserve it, he is really sweet to me and I have always appreciated him, even in those awkward moments freshman year. You know, occasionally, we STILL have those awkward moments. It makes me laugh.

Snowflake worries me sometimes. I mean I am sure she feels the same for me sometimes, but it's crazy, I almost constantly worry about her. Her life seems tough right now and I swear if I could I'd get her out of it all in a heartbeat. If I could just tell her what I see, what is so oblivious to her at times, then I really would. She deserves all she could ever want in life. She's amazing and incredibly beautiful. She's so smart and sweet and understanding. She is hilarious and incredibly compassionate and deep. She's so much more than what these people take her for. She will never ever be replaced and I hope and pray that someday we'll be close again, she's one of the strongest, wisest people I know. Crazy right?

So there's been this song stuck in my head for DAYS. Almost a week now. It's called "If It Means A Lot To You" by A Day To Remember. Dolphin got me hooked on this band, and so now, I'm a bit obsessed, like I was with Bird's band, Breathe Carolina.

I'm going to nap, then perhaps I'll go to the mall and get my toes done. I don't like people touching my feet unless they are a boyfriend. HAHA I told Crane that and she told me to close my eyes and imagine it's my boyfriend. I told her I'd probably weird out everyone in the salon........ yeah.... HAHA. I was kidding of course, but she took it literally for a moment and was scarred. :P I'm so nice.