YouGaveMeButterfliesAtTheMailbox

There's only a few things I'd like to say today.

Driving is in some ways more complicated and in others less complicated than I originally thought.
The weather, it's insane. It's 110 out today. That's crazy.
Protector and I, well, I thought that maybe we were getting somewhere. But now, I'm not so sure. It makes me so freaking depressed to know that he doesn't know how much I love him.
Breaking my heart wasn't enough, it seems.
Last night I had a break down. Typical for relapses. And as if THAT wasn't enough, Crane began telling me how stupid, and terribly mean I was to her and everyone else. I was in so much physical pain, and her telling me that WHILE that was happening was just terrible.

Finn is helping me through this, in a way. He tries, he really does and I appreciate it tremendously. He's the only one that supports me with this, even when he feels like it's wrong or bad for me, he supports me anyway. He wants me happy, but I want him to know that there will be a lot of pain involved in this. I really want Protector back. Forever, maybe. I don't know really. I don't know anything, maybe I am as stupid as Crane says.

Sometimes people can be SO incredibly stupid. And they do things I don't understand, I call them stupid. But I keep doing this over and over. It's not stupid. It's painful, yes. But I want it to work. People may say, "oh that's stupid. why does she keep doing that?". But I have my reasons, I am not exactly sure what those reasons are, but they are there.

What is trust? What is love? Why are these so important that they go hand in hand? But they do, and in order to love, you must trust.

Have you ever felt like something was going to hurt you, it was GOING to. But you can't stop? Like drugs, or alcohol. Addictions, is what I'm talking about.

I'm so confused and everything...




D-I-N-O-S-A U R A DINOSAUR. an O-L-D M-A-N you're just an OLD man, hittin on me what? you need a cat scan!!!! hey dinosaur, baby you're prehistoric. a dinosaur, that's what you are. hey carnivore, you want my meat i know it, a dinosaur, that's what you are. XD XD aaaallllright that was random.