Uhm.IDon'tKnowWhatToCallThis...

Fly away.
Take that weight of a thousand people off your back
Get some room to grow those wings,
To fly away.
You can leave me, you can leave the old you
Leave everything behind and fly away somewhere new
Leave the burdens, everyone, behind.
Open up those eyes,
The possibilities are endless
Believe it or not.
Grow those wings to fly.
You deserve it.


Uhmm... not exactly sure what that is... it just kind of popped into my head.

Crane and I are getting into a lot of fights lately. I'm just trying to stick up for myself and be my own person. She gets upset and angry. But I think it should work, because I'm sick of being a jerk.

Turtle is a loner. He has no real friends. Its sad. So when I try to be his friend again he accepts at first, then goes back to hating me for NOTHING. It is really starting to make me angry. Fine, if he doesn't want to have any companionship in his life whatsoever and continue to be the laughing stock of the entire high school then fine. I could fix that. People don't talk about me. I have quite a bit of people supporting me, but I wouldn't call them friends. They are really just people that care if there's something really really wrong.

Can we just fast forward a couple of years, so I can be happier? Everything will be easier. Probably not the money situation, but my social and psychological life will be better. Much better.

I told Finn earlier that after this year I was going to be a SENIOR. And a year goes by fast. A SENIOR!!!! Crazy right????

I wish people would stop pushing all their relationship crap on me. I'm not the know it all of relationships. But that's what they want me to act like. It's so annoying. Stop telling me all your little whiney issues and figure it out. I have my own relationship I would like to deal with, thank you.

NotAgain

Ok, sometimes in my life I feel like everything's going right and nothing can go wrong. Then it's like my life decides to dump a bunch of shit on me and blame it all on me.

Protector and I got into a fight the other day. It was horrible and I feel really terrible about it. I just wish I could be there and we could be together and it would all be fixed, I know it. I love him so much, I honestly can't imagine my life without him at all. Is that pathetic?

It seems that everyone just decides to pile all their problems on me along with my problems it is sometimes just too much. Yeah, I can deal, but barely.

Did I already say I feel really bad about what happened with Protector? I love him so much, I think I'm going insane.

I talked to Finn a lot last night. Sometimes he kind of serves as the person I tell everything to. And usually I don't have to worry about what he'll think. He's a pretty nonjudgmental person.

I know what it feels like to have voices in your head. Annoying, scary. Yeah, I get it.

It feels like I'm slowly losing everyone. They all say I act different. Weird. Mean. Stuck up. I don't know anymore. I'm just confused and lost. I'm glad I have someone to rant and rave to at my worst.

Sometimes it feels like all I do is screw up. I get something right for a change and then in a matter of moments it's all messed up.

I love life, I really do. But right now, it honestly doesn't seem like anything's going my way. I tried so hard to get him back. There's only so long I can wait. I won't give up, because that's not like me to just give up. I love him to death and I won't give up. I promised him and I promised myself a long time ago and even when I try to break that promise, it won't break at all.

1.GottaTakeItKindaSlowly

Today, Swan decided to sell the 60 inch TV and we went out and bought a new 42 inch. I like it. Its not so overwhelming.

Last night was interesting. Again. I stayed up until about 3 AM. Couldn't sleep. I hate it when there's no one awake to suffer with me :)

I talked to Snowflake quite a bit yesterday, at least I think it was yesterday. I think I'm losing it. All these days are blending into one, long, never ending day. So are my thoughts. They are all sort of melting into one general, mushy thought.

I just counted all the bug bites I have on my legs. Grand total of... drumroll please.... 64!!!
Swan didn't really believe me at first so I made her look at my left leg especially. Then she believed me. I don't lie. When will people understand this? Ok, fine, I lie sometimes, but I always admit to my lie quickly. I don't want to be lied to, so I don't lie.

I can't touch my legs because I put a bunch of anti-itch cream on them...and its annoying because my legs are still soft from when I shaved them.

Happy music, come on. Happy music. Thank you.

I am so sore from that Wii game. Wii Fitness with the balance board or whatever. Damn, you don't do much, but it really makes a difference. It keeps lying to me, saying I lost 8 pounds in the past three days. I haven't. I don't think I can lose any more weight. I'm in great shape. :) Ran a mile the other day, no problem.

There was a man in the store today at a sampling table. His voice was so deep and his laughter was bright and yellow. It was really cool. He was a happy guy. You could just FEEL the happy energy radiating from him. He was pretty happy with his job, apparently.

Sometimes, I have these incredibly uncomfortable headaches. Like my head is going to explode from the inside. Have I already mentioned this? It happened once in the car and it was really embarrassing. It was like I couldn't control my emotions, or my actions. I just went mad. Pigeon and I again were the only two kids in the car. Parakeet was at a friends and so was Crane. It was so embarrassing. That was about two weeks ago. I've had five or six similar experiences since then. I haven't had one though, since two days ago.

Oh did I mention I start Driving School in three days? I think...

NailPolish

I painted my nails earlier today. Black.
I never really noticed how badly Parakeet and Pigeon want to be like me. And be liked by me.
Parakeet wanted her nails painted black too, but I told her black was only for older people so she settled for orange instead. She was disappointed though.
Pigeon always wants to talk to Kenai because he thinks he's really cool. Kenai, not being the most gentle of all guys, is amazed at how sweet Pigeon is. So Kenai likes Pigeon too. They talk a lot and I think that one day Kenai will make a great dad.
Protector is getting a job at the Co-Op. I'm so proud of him.
Bird and I had a fight last night. Magic and him are really close friends, and Magic thinks I waste my time trying to get to Bird's heart. Bird apparently only likes whores and refuses to let anyone into his real romantic life at all, according to Magic. Of course, I know this isn't true. It seems like every time Bird and I get somewhere Magic calls me a moron and demands me to give up.
I refuse to give up, because I KNOW there's something more to Bird than others say there is.
Of course, this had to lead into a situation where California was involved and it just got all tangly and messy. Magic was just trying to help. California broke up with him because Magic kept begging sexual enslavement with me and I refused, making a joke that if I wasn't happy then Magic would have to be my slave. I thought he knew I was joking. Because, really, I wouldn't even consider doing that kind of thing with him at all. Gross.
Obviously, though, Magic had to take me seriously...

I regret letting some people fall out of my life. I want to heal these separations. I'm trying.

You know when you tell someone you love them, and they just don't love you back? I know how that feels now, and I feel really bad about doing that to some of the people I know.

I go through these musical phases, and right now I'm in a Fall Out Boy/ Blue October/ Kate Nash phase. My last phase was a Breathe Carolina/ My Chemical Romance/ Linkin Park phase. Interesting.

I find myself staying up all night until four AM. This period of missing Home hasn't passed in over three months now. Right now, I mostly miss the Home that is taken up by people. I'm trying to convince them all to move here. I think it's working :) Kind of...

I love dreaming because I can be with them, and I can do whatever I want. I can fly, I can transform, I can hold his hand... Everything can be alright. Sometimes I wish I didn't wake up. I've been having the most vivid dreams lately. I mean, I can always feel and feel pain, etc., but it's all colorful and amazingly real. Occasionally I'll wake up in the middle of the night expecting him to be there. Crazy.

Princess Crazy. :) I like that.

Complaining

I just have a few random things I'd like to say today.

Some people are just messed up.

Some people need to die already.

Some people I miss terribly. Some people I love with all I have.

Some days I want to curl up and die. Today is not one of those days.

Some days I want to run away to somewhere better. Somewhere easier. I'm tired of this weather. I'm tired of the people and I'm tired of how I'm treated here. I'm expected to fit into a little box of perfection and its WRONG.

Sometimes I just want to shut out the world.

Sometimes I want to be unloved by every single guy I meet. Its impossible to just be friends with any of them. They always want more. Why do I get myself into these things?

Always I want to be understood. I want to be happy. I want to feel like I'm not physically and emotionally DROWNING.

SeriouslyAgain??

Magic and California broke up. Again. Magic comes to me for support and I give it to him. Even thugh I really don't know a whole lot about his personality, etc., I feel like I know him pretty well for t e most part.

I feel like I'm such a heartbreaker. By being in love with Protector I am breaking four other people's hearts at the same time. Finn is incredibly understanding and patient and I thank god or whatever every day for him. Wanderer wants me back...surprise surprise. But I'm in love. And Wanderer hurt me. By choice. And recently, for that matter. I'm trying to make this fair here, but its difficult.

Swan and Crane have been bugging me because they think there's something wrong. I seem distant and quiet, according to them. I'm not sure about this.

I find myself lost in the past lately. Usually its not so bad because they are good memories. Finn on the swings, the sun setting. Silence except the birds and the cars. His feet mindlessly swinging at the woodchips clearing a space beneath him.
Finn sitting on a table in the corner of the gym freshman year, finding himself swaying gently to the music. Probably not his kind of music, but he had this look on his face. A look I'll never forget.
Snowflake and I sitting in the grass picking it and making pointless piles of it. Huddling in the cold snow and wind, waiting for the buses. Her holding onto my sleeve as her eyes followed that guy she liked down the hallway. The smile on her face when she saw me walk in the door and head towards her.
The girls in study hall and how the blonde one would always have something happy to say. An infectious laughter that lit up the entire cafeteria.
Protector sitting behind me in science gently placing his foot on mine. Him sitting on the park bench, looking into my eyes so lovingly as the dog tangled her leash around our legs. How he smelled when he held me. How I never ever wanted that to end. How he laughed softly and made my heart feel like sunshine.
My room and the annoying lime green that plastered the walls. How I could wake up every day and not be afraid. How I could feel like I was home anywhere in that town.

Home. I miss getting to say that. Home.

OneMoreTime

So, over the past few days, I have either been unable to post because of sucky internet connection, or simply because I forgot. I swore to myself that I wouldn't forget about my blog, and here I am just forgetting. I read something about putting the "fun" back in "funeral" and it made me laugh. So I found what kind of flowers I want in my wedding. They are amazingly beautiful. It's a calla lily. http://www.katinkamatson.com/prints/500/white_calla_lily.a.html

Don't ask me why I'm all obsessed over my wedding lately, because I honestly don't know. For my dress, I'm thinking white with a little bit of black, just because it looks really elegant. http://image.dhgate.com/upload/20096/56/4028804b0ed1353e010ed140d58104fc/productimg1244469917967.jpg
that's one. Here's another I like, http://s2.hubimg.com/u/640005_f520.jpg

Of course, I'm wearing my mother's wedding dress, but I think that I'm going to replace the ribbon with black. Let's all hope that by the time I get married I won't gain any weight. :)

http://www.wholesalereview.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Wedding-Dress.jpg that's kinda what my mom's looks like.

I don't know where any of my family members are besides Eagle and the dog. It's awfully quiet in here.

Yesterday, Crane and I went to the park and played frisbee for two hours in the dark. Wow, the moon was beautiful. It's like ALMOST full and the sky was clear. It was just really pretty. We got 33 catches in the dark. Beat that. But, you can't. I bet.

Protector is being a great boyfriend. I love him. Always have. Always will. How many times have I said that? Oh well.

"I love you. I really do believe it, and so does my heart, which you have brightened into so many colors, so many happy colors. Once again, thank you."

That was from a letter given to me in freshman year, from Protector. I never thought that I could be so crazy over someone even after this long. Odd, right? I guess I know how all these other guys feel about me. They must be so hurt. See, this is my problem. I just can't stop caring. It's so annoying.

ThisTime

See? I'm over you. See? I can have another boyfriend. I'm TOTALLY over you!

OK, no, I'm not. But I love him. See? I LOVE HIM. Get it?

"I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me. You can only blame your problems on the world for so long Before it all becomes the same old song. As soon as we hit the hospital I know we're gonna leave this town. Get new passports and get get get get get out now" -Fall Out Boy

I'm going to the mall tomorrow. Does it seem like I'm going crazy to you? It sure feels like it.
You can only go so long and have your heart torn into so many pieces before you lose it all.

My best friends' birthdays are in three days. I love them both so much :)

On that same day, I am participating in an experiment called Lifeinaday. You can find it on YouTube. It's really cool. I start driving school on the second, which I am just SOOO excited for...not really. Yeah, I'd rather sit on my ass all day and do nothing, shut up.

I'm really moody and I am so sick of everyone's bullshit. I'm done with them not being able to make the right choices and not seeing how to move on.

Whew, OK, glad I got that all off my chest. I love Protector, I really do. Sometimes though, its difficult to see him going through a tough time. He told me that he's ready for a change in everything. You know what, Protector? I'm ready for a change in EVERYTHING too. I want my heart to belong to one person. This is so difficult you have no idea.

I think I'm codependent.

GirlSense..?

Girls are strange creatures. Those of which, even though I am one, don't understand.
Why do some of us need to have 7 guys at once? I came to Kenai with my question. He had a simple answer. The population of the world. There are 7 guys for every one girl out there approximately. Well this made a whole mess of sense.
And why do we have to be so mean to each other? Even when the other has done NOTHING but purely exist, the other has to bring their life down into darkness. Why?
And why do some of us backstab their best friends purely for the joy of making yourself feel better in some sick way? It doesn't make any sense, I'm telling you.
Now, I'm not really one for revenge. I believe in forgiveness. But sometimes what happens is unforgivable. But at least I don't go out looking for revenge.
Seriously, taking one of the most important guys away from me wasn't enough. Jersey really needs to get a life. I have no idea what I ever did to her. Besides attempt to steal Finn back from her. Attempt failed, obviously.

And what about Daiquiri and Greenmold? Greenmold used to be my best friend, and she stabbed me in the back, taking one of the most important guys from me. Protector. I never saw him again after they sent him away. Why would they do that? What did he do to them? He is a big teddy bear and they took advantage of that and made his life miserable to the point where he couldn't take it anymore.

This wasn't the only time it happened, but that was the worst.

I don't understand the female species at all.

LoveSecrets

Secrets, secrets are no fun unless I post them all on my blog!!!
I'm so glad no one reads this... I think.

I'm dating Protector again. I'm not sure whether to be like this, ^_^ or like this x_x. I guess I am kinda a mixture of both. He promised this was the last time forever and ever. He'll make it worth my time.
It still worries me about him getting into said trouble. And him not really getting out of said trouble... or even having a strong will to get out of said trouble.
I'm scared that a lot of people won't agree to our relationship. Despite how bad everyone thinks he is, he makes me happy. And I make him happy. I make him start to forget about what happened to start all of this decline to nothingness. Kenai will definitely be angry. So will Finn. And definitely Turtle. Probably California. I'm basically in for a whole heap of shit.

I went to church today. My family goes to a kind of science of mind church. Its more realistic than those other Christian churches. God is not some big man in the sky. I learned today about the path of life. I learned how your path sometimes is easy and flat. But sometimes the path goes up a hill or hits a few rough spots. We cannot deny these certain dark times are going to happen. We can only accept them, build from them, learn from them. We don't have to go into Death Valley and build a condo there. Just keep going. Sometimes we don't know what our purpose in life is, so the best thing to do is to keep on going.
I also learned that I shouldn't feel sorry for someone, I should bring my light to them and lift them up. Help them find themselves. Haha I feel like I am preaching. That's odd, because I don't like organized religion at all. I think its just a way of life instead of an order or a command. I think that's an easy way to live.

I found a toad last night. I was walking to get the mail with the dog and Pigeon at about 9pm. There was supposed to be a movie in the mailbox. We didn't exactly make it even four houses down before a cricket jumped on my bare feet, scaring me, and the dog started chasing after something in the street. When I found what it was, I was shocked to see a toad bigger than my entire hand. I caught it. It peed everywhere and I'm glad it didn't pee on me, because dad said that I'd get a wart. I think he was just kidding. After my family was done marveling at it and taking pictures, I put it back where I found it. He was cute. :)

RandomThings

I used to be a great artist in eighth grade. My teacher entered a few of my pictures that I did into contests and I always won first place. I never got anything special besides a ribbon. If there was money involved the school probably took it.
In fact, that school was such a money vacuum. They wanted money for this, they wanted money for that. Once was a new playground, another time was for a better lunch program, another was for educational purposes.
Back in the old days when my family was in the higher class, we would go out to eat every other night at nice restaurants. We even had a house built specifically for our family complete with heated tile floors, bathtubs with pillows, a complete guest room.
Wow those were the days.

Pigeon got me these things at the store. They are called Yan Yans. I think they are Japanese or something. But they have little words on the sticks of bread that you dip into a strawberry sauce. On one it said " Whale Biggesy Mammel." :) gotta love these foreigners trying to speak English.

MyDream

So I had this dream last night. I feel like it's a dream worth mentioning.

I was a shape-shifter. And I was apparently going to be the queen of the world's wilderness. So I had to get to know the animals and the other shape-shifters of the world. So I started my journey in somewhere cold. I was a wolf. I wasn't headed anywhere particular, just following a trail.
I ran into two other female wolves. They were sisters and one was older than the other. These two wolves were shape-shifters too. I explained to them that I was to be queen, and I asked if I could tag along with them until they reached their destination. They agreed and we walked on a trial. I believe we were going to a town named Leaf Falls. This town was a safe haven for all kinds of creatures and it was a valued city in my dream.
We all shape shifted to our "human" form. But we had huge eagle wings to fly.
We flew for a while above the trial that lead to Leaf Falls. Then we saw a huge green military helicopter fly over us. We noticed that below us, on the right of the trail was a small military station with women soldiers standing on green military posts with guns.
Leaf Falls was in sight and the green helicopter flew over it and we all saw it drop something.
It was a bomb. All three of us flew really close to the ground, we could see the aftershock coming towards us, children and mother creatures running away as fast as they could from it.
The aftershock hit us and we all fell to the ground, rolling down a hill into the military base.
The little girl tried to fly over the fence and then the women soldiers ordered us to stay, they needed to ask us some questions.
I told them I was going to be the queen and what they did to Leaf Falls was illegal and wrong. They didn't listen. The two girls began to fly towards the women soldiers on their posts and tried to take them down. There were gunshots and fire. I didn't understand.
I still don't understand.

AboutCrane

Crane has to be my best friend. She was always there for me, (she kinda had to be anyway). We are great siblings. We never really get into fights, and if we do, we tend to get over it quickly.
A lot of my friends are surprised at her maturity level when I introduce her. Crane and I just figured that it was just because she was with me all the time, so she matured two years faster than all the other girls and guys.
Which explains why she's dating Rain, a 16 year old.
She is pretty much a control freak. She likes being in control of most everything all the time.
Usually its not really a bad thing, because people wouldn't know what to do without her.
Crane's really pretty and she knows it. She likes to be a little bit cocky sometimes. Just a little.
She can make me laugh so hard that I cry and my stomach is sore the next day.

She likes to tel me what to do a lot. Even the simplest things. I don't exactly know why she does that. I didn't really notice it until Eagle pointed it out though. He used to bug Crane about it for weeks and she'd get really pissed off.


So far today, I woke up at about noon, like most summer days. Parakeet had some friends over, and it was hectic without having a door on our room and all....
Last night, Kenai asked me out. I said yes. But now I am thinking that maybe it's not such a good idea. He has put a lot of weight on me not to break his heart...
My nature is to break guys' hearts though. I don't like doing it or anything. I'm not exactly like that. I just get my heart torn into pieces by all these different guys and I can never get my pieces back. Its quite annoying actually.
Like Protector. WHY do I still love him? I don't know if he'll read this, but most people would consider him a complete loser. Failure. Whatever. But I still don't care. He's the only guy that this has happened to. What does that mean? I'm not sure. It's odd.

I have about twenty bug bites on my legs which I obsessively scratch at. They end up bleeding and scarring. Oh well. Just a few more scars to add to the collection.

Finn's talking to me. He told me he read my little blog I have here. He wasn't supposed to know about it for a long time but I really can't keep anything from him.

Crane's been in front of the mirror for over an hour now. I never knew that she liked looking at herself so much. Or finding little imperfections. It's like that Mean Girls movie. You aren't perfect unless you make yourself seem imperfect, just so others will remind you that you are perfect.
Make sense? No, I know.
Until later, LadyWar

AboutFinn

Finn's a great guy. He really is. He's pretty clueless sometimes but he's quick at learning things.
I think he's obsessed with me...

See, a while ago a bunch of Soap Opera-ish things happened between us and he ended up taking all the fall along with this girl named Jersey.

To make a long story kind of short, Finn and I were dating, Jersey confessed her love for Finn, Finn dumped me, dated Jersey without really giving a shit about me for a while, Finn started to like me again, then dumped Jersey for me, everything went well for a while but there were many secrets of cheating and whatnot that I was not exactly aware of. Finn broke my trust completely and I fell into a sort of depression for a while. Longest time I'd ever been sad over some guy...besides what happened with Protector. (later)

So basically, this whole time since then, Finn has been trying to earn my trust back and trying to get me to fall in love with him. Sometimes it starts working and I end up taking ten steps back to where I started.

Before all of this happened, we were really great friends. Before we moved away from Home. We lived very close by and we'd spend a lot of our nights walking around the neighborhood or hanging out at the park. He still really liked me and asked me out on countless occasions, which all the time I either accepted for less than twelve hours or politely declined.

I guess you never really know what you have until its gone. Maybe gone forever. Right?


Last night I talked to Kenai for two and a half hours. Surprising. Put me on the phone with a random guy for two and a half hours and by the time I hang up I'm pretty much guaranteed to have a huge crush on him. Messed up, right?

Today I had to clean the downstairs bathroom, as instructed by Swan. Swan's been a little on edge about everything lately. Eagle says that we all have to be "really sweet and loving and helping out". I dared to whisper, "As in be FAKE?" After my smart remark, Eagle replied, "What?" This is the time where I pretend like he didn't say anything and that I didn't say anything either and walk away slowly.

Again, tonight I have several calls to attend to. My call with Protector went better than I expected it to. The whole time I was either giggling or mumbling. But apparently, he thought that was a great phone call. So...I have to do it AGAIN tonight. Joy. He makes me so nervous and giggly and like I have no idea what to do. Crane is always sitting next to me while I put my several guys on the phone on speaker and evaluates them. She says that Protector has the sexiest voice (Note to self: Don't give Protector's number to Crane).

Now, I must have done something to cue the flood of family members to the computer/ upstairs. Parakeet wants me to play Wii with her. Crane wants to get on the computer. Crane is hovering over me wanting to talk to Rain on the web cam. She just scolded me for not turning off HER straightening iron.

This family confuses me sometimes. Until next time, LadyWar.

AboutBird

Bird likes to say that he's my "good friend" sometimes and other times he swears I own his heart. He's really cool, honest, and he can be super sweet if you give him the chance. But he's more of a dark, mysterious guy than anything.
I'm not sure, but he kind of reminds me of Fang from the Maximum Ride series. Only cooler, if that's even possible.
But he has a past. An awful past, depending on who knows about it. Point is, he has gotten his heart broken several times and can't seem to get over the fact that not all girls are terrible. And not all of human race is terrible, for that matter.

I met Bird through Magic. Apparently they were pretty good friends. Magic thought that I could win over his heart. But then when he thought that it was impossible, Magic changed his mind and said that Bird would just play me.
Magic's prediction is partially right in a way, but Bird doesn't just love me for the physical features. At least that's what he says.

Bird and I have several things in common. We really like the same kind of music. I know that if he likes a band, and I've never heard of it, I'm guarunteed to like it. In fact, he introduced me to a few of my favorite bands today. We share somewhat similar pasts and we have the same mentality if you take away some of the sexual-ness of his brain.

He has a secret. Only him and I know. Finn knows too, but he doesn't REALLY know. More about that later ;)



Its been quite a day so far.
I woke up early (9 am) to watch Parakeet. Our family's original plan was to take Parakeet, Pigeon, Crane, and Swan and I to run errands and go to Panda Express. Obviously I was quite disappointed when Parakeet decided to be "sick" and stay home, making me have to watch her. Before Eagle went to work, he found a little dog in our garage that wouldn't go away. So he brought it inside and Parakeet was magically healed, which made me even more frustrated.
Our dog was out with everyone else getting groomed. When they all returned home, our dog was ecstatic to find we had found her a new friend. Maybe a little too ecstatic.

There's a spider on the wall that looks like a little black crab. Maybe I should kill it? No, I'll just end up setting it free outside.

Wanderer and I broke up today. Probably for the last time. I'm not exactly sure if I should be happy or sad about it. I'll just go on living like I did even when we were dating. It's not like he'll ever talk to me anyway, just like when we were dating. He's a great guy, when he isn't acting completely clueless and utterly retarded. How many times will I have to tell him to MOVE ON. It's funny because I don't know how to give myself advice.

I have several calls I am waiting for today. Protector and I are supposed to talk on the phone, which I am nervous for because I don't know what to talk about with him. He takes my breath away.
I also have a call with Wanderer's best friend, Kenai. He has a thing for me, which I personally think is mean to Wanderer. But I don't know. There's a lot of guys out there that feel like they need their chance with me.
Truth is, most of those guys already had a chance and screwed it up. But since I'm such a forgiving girl...I don't know. :)
I have a call with Finn too. We had a fight last night on the phone.
See, I have this issue where I just randomly burst into laughter for five minutes. Nothing starts the laughter and it's really embarrassing because I can't control it.
Anyway, Finn got angry that I was "laughing about not telling him I was dating Wanderer". Now that I look back on it, the whole incident was pretty funny.

AboutSnowflake

Snowflake. She's pretty much amazing. She has a boyfriend who I honestly think she could easily do without. But she loves him, and if she's happy then fine. She has a brilliant smile and contagious laughter. I miss her terribly. She'd sleep over at my house almost every weekend. It was fun. We'd go to the park and just hang out by ourselves, or sometimes we'd have Finn and some of our other friends that lived in the neighborhood meet us over there. We'd obsess over guys together; guys we usually would never dare to say a word to in real life. We could really talk about anything without it being awkward. Well, almost anything.

I wish that Snowflake and I talked more often these days. But, she's been busy with summer camps and jobs and her boyfriend.
Crane is dating her twin brother, Rain. He's not very nice to Snowflake, and she isn't very nice to him, considering he is in the army and all.
Snowflake is almost a year older than me in age but we are in the same grade and have the same mentality level. In fact, a lot of the time we are on the same brainwave. Wow, I miss her...
I remember one day in science class in freshman year...

All the kids would joke, "That teacher's on drugs." Sometimes I thought it was true. She never paid attention to what she was really talking about and she never paid attention to what her students were doing.
Snowflake and I were lab partners and we always passed notes during class. There was nothing else to do. In fact, notes between her and I overflowed my science folder. They were crowding the actual work papers.
I had my feet tucked under the chair i was sitting in. There was a boy that sat behind me. It was Protector, but I didn't really know him at the time. I had no idea he had his foot resting on mine.
Point is, when Snowflake and I figured out that his foot had been on mine for about twenty minutes, we were histarically laughing.
I never really asked Protector about that incident...should I plan to?

Crane is sitting here behind me singing an Eminem song. I just got done eating some licorice and doing the dishes.
Today was a fairly regular day. Normal feeling of someone watching me constantly. I'm rather tired, which is surprising because I woke up at about noon.

So, text messaging. I love doing it, but why? Why can't we just call one another? Eagle says that texts are just emotionless typed messages between electronics. I'm not sure what to think, but since all my friends text, I'll text back I guess.

My mom and dad went on a walk just now with the dog. The dog is much like Parakeet. Really happy and bright and positive. Loving.

The sun sets again and we try again to spread our wings to fly away Home. I learned today that some things need to be taken in order to be missed or thankful for. I also learned the importance of not getting on Swan's nerves. Until tomorrow, LadyWar.

FirstBlog

LearnToFly-

It's the summer, and I really don't have much to do. Starting this blog could be interesting...to say the least. I'll be a junior when school starts. I'm stuck in this humid, hot, and partially traffic crowded city. In this city is a new high school that is honestly getting on my nerves. More about that later. Music's my life. Well part of it, anyway. I've been living here for about a year or so now. Its odd, because I'm still quite homesick at times. "Home" is a strange word to define for me. Home is a person, Home's a place, and a particular landscape. There's only a piece of Home here where I live right now. That's my family.

There are MANY people that you might need to keep up with on my blog if you decide to read it... Because I may forget to explain them at a later date, here they are...

Snowflake- My best friend since sixth grade. She's little and shy, but really funny and beautiful. She seems to understand me even when no one does.

Bird- A guy that is close to me, but not in distance. I really care about him and I won over his heart, which is quite a feat let me tell you...

California- My friend here. She changes her mind a lot too. She wants to be a writer. She's short and tends to lie more than speak the truth.

Magic- California's boyfriend.

Finn- He's probably my best guy friend since freshman year. We have a lot in common and sometimes he can be immature, but I can go to him with anything. He loves me unconditionally but has to learn to keep up with my crazy changes in my mood and life.

Turtle- My ex, and my first boyfriend down here. He's really controlling and offended extremely easily. We share a few musical similarities, but he just wants to use me mostly, I think.

Protector- I've always loved him. Won't stop loving him. He has been getting into trouble lately, is definately Home. He's blonde and is pretty mellow for what happens in his life.

Wanderer- What can I say about him? He's tall and really sweet when he actually decides to talk to me. He's codependent as far as happiness and sensibility goes. Sometimes he's extremely stupid and just doesn't GET it.

Crane- My closest sister to me. Younger than me. She's really pretty and smart. She likes to be in control and is pretty boy crazy, so relationships with her usually don't last very long.

Parakeet- My seven year old sister. She's really bright and happy constantly. She is great at making friends and can't seem to understand why people are mean.

Pigeon- The youngest of my siblings. He is five... I think. Gosh I'm so bad at this. He likes getting his way and uses typical little kid reasoning to prove his point. He definately sides with my step dad constantly, who gives him most of what he wants.

Swan- My mother. She changes her mind a lot and is the most understanding person I've ever known. We are really close. More like best friends. She's also really pretty and young for having four kids.

Eagle- My step dad. He has a great sense of humor. He's, I think, a whole Crane older than my mom. My mom and him are still in love after all this time. He's not very good at saying no, or getting angry. He likes to debate the simplest situations.

Other than those, there is my real dad's side of the family, but they don't really come into play that often. Hope you can keep up :)