SeriouslyAgain??

Magic and California broke up. Again. Magic comes to me for support and I give it to him. Even thugh I really don't know a whole lot about his personality, etc., I feel like I know him pretty well for t e most part.

I feel like I'm such a heartbreaker. By being in love with Protector I am breaking four other people's hearts at the same time. Finn is incredibly understanding and patient and I thank god or whatever every day for him. Wanderer wants me back...surprise surprise. But I'm in love. And Wanderer hurt me. By choice. And recently, for that matter. I'm trying to make this fair here, but its difficult.

Swan and Crane have been bugging me because they think there's something wrong. I seem distant and quiet, according to them. I'm not sure about this.

I find myself lost in the past lately. Usually its not so bad because they are good memories. Finn on the swings, the sun setting. Silence except the birds and the cars. His feet mindlessly swinging at the woodchips clearing a space beneath him.
Finn sitting on a table in the corner of the gym freshman year, finding himself swaying gently to the music. Probably not his kind of music, but he had this look on his face. A look I'll never forget.
Snowflake and I sitting in the grass picking it and making pointless piles of it. Huddling in the cold snow and wind, waiting for the buses. Her holding onto my sleeve as her eyes followed that guy she liked down the hallway. The smile on her face when she saw me walk in the door and head towards her.
The girls in study hall and how the blonde one would always have something happy to say. An infectious laughter that lit up the entire cafeteria.
Protector sitting behind me in science gently placing his foot on mine. Him sitting on the park bench, looking into my eyes so lovingly as the dog tangled her leash around our legs. How he smelled when he held me. How I never ever wanted that to end. How he laughed softly and made my heart feel like sunshine.
My room and the annoying lime green that plastered the walls. How I could wake up every day and not be afraid. How I could feel like I was home anywhere in that town.

Home. I miss getting to say that. Home.